I have been sitting here trying to braille my sentences and my anxiety is getting the better of me. I am so worked up at this point my medicine is not even helping. I can't remember my braille signs, and I'm talking about ones I learned in the beginning. It is frustrating me beyond belief. I know I need to stop and just breath but at this point I don't even feel like I can do that and it is making me so incrediably irritable. In the past at this point I would either cut or sleep. I know these were not healthy options but they were my release. I know I need to work through this but right now I feel beat. My belief in myself is dwindled down to practically nothing. Why can't I do this. This braille should be in me, part of me, but it's like at this point my mind has decided to start resisting it again. I don't have time for this. I need to soak up all that I can. I only have 6 weeks left in my program. Will I make it? Will I succeed? There is so many plans and dreams I have for my life going forward and I want to succeed. I want to prove to people I can make something of myself. I can be strong and follow through with something I start. I don't want to be a disappointment. JUST BREATHE I tell myself. But everytime my breath catches in my throat and I tense up. I don't want to make it out like Braille is my ownly stress right now. I stress over things that I shouldn't stress so much over. We are in the process of making a HUGE change in our lives which is moving to Indianapolis permenately. I have been stressing about were we are going to live along with all the little things that go along with moving. I know deep down everything will work out and/or fall into place. I will just feel better once it does. I know this is where I need to be. I want to continue being associated with Bosma after I graduate in May by volunteering a couple times a week, get enrolled into college if it is at all possible ( I dream of being a Vision Rehabilation Therapist) and I would also like to enroll in Hadleys School for the Blind so I can partake in some continuing (sp?) education. I know it will be a lot. But in my heart I know I can handle it. I just need a firm grasp on this anxiety. I know I have an awesome support system. And I might not tell them enough but I appreciate each and everyone of them so much. I have added to my support system just by being up here in Indy attending Bosma and I know my instructors know I will succeed (they tell me all the time), I just have to start believe in myself more.
To all my Bosma instructors that may be reading this. You have all touched my life in your own unique ways. I love you all and know I have made forever friends. It has meant more to me than you will ever know that you believe in me and want me to succeed. You have helped me to become a better/stronger person, and I thank you for that. I will forever be endebted (sp?) to you. You all have a true gift and are definately answering your calling. All of us students are blessed to have such great instructors.
